Thoughts I had at Christmas mass.

I haven’t been to mass in a few years, apart from for births, marriages and deaths. This year I went to keep my Granny company, and make sure she made it up the aisle to Communion and back safely! Things haven’t changed much, though I did have a few thoughts –

  • It’s okay to be a slut at mass now! Back when I listened to my Mammy enough to go to Christmas mass in the first place, I would have been killed if I turned up in some of the gear these young wan’s had on. Mini-skirts and fishnet tights – I kid you not! I couldn’t wait to gossip with my Gran about these harlots, but unfortunately she didn’t notice- it could have been such a good bonding experience for us!
  • Alter servers are little shits: I did the alter-serving thing in school and the fear of God was put into us – literally – over Christmas mass. These kids had the giggles going up and chatted to each other all through mass like they were in the playground. I was surprised they didn’t take out their iphones and start uploading pics of the congregation to their Facebook pages!
  • The gospel acclamation is a rock ballad: This part gave me a bit of a giggle anyway, I love how they bop around ‘Alle-alle-lu-alle-lu-ia’ and just sneak in a little bit about us being servants of the Lord in the middle, but I silently cracked up during the second ‘verse’ when they introduced drums into the equation! Drums! It was like a scene from Glee. There was none of that in my day!
  • Spotting the talent: Ah, the best part of Mass! Watching the entire congregation go up for Communion and passing remarks on them all. “Would ya look at the state of her?” “You’d think he’d have had a shave and it Christmas Eve!” And of course, getting to see who’s hot and single in the local parish, preferably with road frontage!

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3 thoughts on “Thoughts I had at Christmas mass.

    • OracularSpectacular says:

      I have to say, I only went to help out my Gran and people-watching was all I had to do. That’s enough mass for another year for me!

  1. bestbathroombooks says:

    Totally accurate. I’ve played in the band in a big church here for years, and wondered how fast I’m going to hell checking out the girls in the balcony.
    When they look good and it’s daytime and you’re sober, it restores your faith.
    Les

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