“Oh no, it’s not like that. We’re just friends”

Can you be ‘just friends’ with a member of the opposite sex?

What is the difference between pally banter and flirty banter? It’s a tough line to draw and an easy one to cross, in my vast swathes of experience.

Personally, I am pretty certain that if you’ve got a BFF of the opposite sex and you’re not thinking of doing the nasty with them, they’re probably thinking about doing it with you.

SPOILER!!!!!!!: In the movie, these two start off as friends and end up happily-ever-after. That doesn't usually happen in real life, possibly because most of us don't look like Mila Kunis. I'd hate her, but she comes across as so nice!

A few years back, I was chatting to a boyfriend and his friend about this when I defiantly declared that there was no such thing as a male-female relationship that was completely platonic, and sex came up in all friendships and you were bound to do the bould thing eventually. My boyfriend at the time was kind enough to inform me that that just made me sounds like a slut.

Oh how times have changed. I can now confidently state that I have exactly two male friends whom I regard as completely platonic. But one of them is rampantly homosexual, so I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count. [If you haven’t heard that story, I actually had a brief tryst with him in school, his last encounter with a woman before coming out, and he still introduces me to people as the girl that turned him gay. Thanks, Paul]

I have decided this is the way the world works, with my one male, straight friend being the exception to the rule. We’re going to presume I’m right in this because it’s my blog so I get to do that!

So what is the actual effect of all this might have on your life? It leaves us with a few potential situations

  • The ‘happily-ever-after’: You love me? I love you! I can’t believe we’ve wasted all this time. Let’s get married and have loads of babies. Loads of them. There will be babies all over the place. This is rare, really rare, but it’s nice when it does happen. So maybe you should tell your friend that you’ve been crushing on since 2004, but beware that it might be the next situation that happens instead…..
  • The ‘not-so-happily-ever-after’: You love me? Ummm, how awkward, I really think of you more like my retarded country cousin more than anything. I was mostly hanging around with you because your sister is hot, and when she doesn’t have a bra on, I can see her nipples through her t-shirt. Let us never speak of this moment again.
  • The Jealous Partner: What do you mean you don’t want me to talk to Mike any more? He’s been my best friend since college and he’s a total gentleman. Don’t be so insecure. You can’t tell me not to see him! Why are you being such an asshole about this? Ugh, you are so infuriating. It’s sad that you’re so jealous and needy, I’m calling Mike right now to talk about this *slams door*
  • Friends With Benefits: I think it turns out like this a lot. One of you fancies the other. The other sees a fantastic opportunity for some no-strings-attached sex. This is documented in a recent movie of the same name with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. In real life however, it usually plays out like this – it goes really well for a few weeks and then something goes horribly wrong, potentially ruining a perfectly nice friendship for three thrusts and an “I’m sorry”
So – do you believe in completely platonic friendships? Or have you been in any of the situations above? Do you, like me ex-boyfriend, think I’m a big, huge, massive slut for thinking sex influences all relationships eventually?
Leave a comment!
  1. Well, I generally think it does influence relationships, but probably sooner rather than later. I’ve got a few very close friends where it might have crossed their minds, but once you get to know that person they’re like a brother or sister. And if your ex is calling you a slut for that, he’s in serious denial. Or a horrible prude. Or both, I suppose…

  2. I don’t think you’re a slut, I think you’ve given a pretty realistic dissertation on male/female dynamics. I was once a “we’re just friends” kinda girl…but that was when I was stupid and had my head firmly inserted up my ass.

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