Heart VS Head

The great debate.

My gut instinct is telling me it’s time to leave UAE. I’ve been here since 2009. I believe I have taken all I can from the experience. I have made friends that I never want to lose, and gained experience that I’ll benefit from forever and a day. I have travelled to Arab and Asian countries I barely even knew existed and had a ball. And, I have savings. Not a fortune, but enough to start a new life back home.

In my head, there are many reasons why I should stay:

  • I’m making good money – for the first time in my life I’m self-sufficient, I can decide to go away on holiday, get my nails done, buy clothes or drink myself into oblivion without worrying if I can afford it
  • The economic situation at home is really bad, I’m probably going to end up on social welfare wishing I was back in Abu Dhabi
  • This picture was taken last week here at the beach.Would it be foolish of me to give  this up in favour of December in Ireland?

I’m probably giving up whatever chance I have of a reference by leaving my contract early. And I don’t have one from my other job here because I recently emailed my boss there to tell him what a bully and general all-round asshole he is. Oops.

Ah, but my heart!

  • My heart is telling me I’m wasting my time developing skills and a reputation in a field I have pretty much no interest whatsoever in pursuing
  • I want to be a writer. I love writing. I get such a giddy high when I notice lots of people looked at this blog and/or commented on a given day. Especially if the comments are not from people I know in real life! I get an even giddier buzz from seeing my name in print.Now is possibly the worst time in history to try and pursue a career in media, yet two of my peers who dedicated themselves to it instead of fluting around in the Middle East have gotten amazing jobs in the last year. It is possible, but it requires hard work and dedication. I may only be 23 but I’m not getting any younger, if this is something I’m serious about, I need to get moving on it now.
  • I miss Ireland. I read the news every day. I know how depressing it is at the moment. But it’s my home. And I have been gone for a long time. I have missed weddings, funerals and historic occasions that should have shaped the last few years for me. I have lost contact with friends that were very important to me
  • Slightly connected to the above, I feel like I’m losing my sense of self. I know that sounds a bit wishy-washy, but the environment you live in has an effect on you. It’s dawning on me more and more lately that UAE is an incredibly shallow, fickle society and I catch myself becoming a more shallow, fickle person. That’s just not who I am. What is more, it’s built on the backs of exploited labourers from all over India and Asia. My social conscience puts me in terrible spot a lot of the time between liking stuff that’s cheap and convenient and understanding that it is so because they guy serving me does a 17 hour day for peanuts.

In a nutshell – the only reason to stay is the financial benefits. But that will be the case in six months, in a year and in five years. The sensible thing to do is stay, I know that. But last week I posted about a tattoo I want to get – Audentes Fortuna Iuvat

Fortune Favours the Bold

Your opinions and advice are most welcome.
I have to make up my mind by December.

  1. Iain Mac E says:

    Don’t leave UAE: leave the UAE! A writer should take care with her articles.

    I know what you mean about losing a sense of self. If you don’t mind me saying so, your English has become more Americanised (judging from this blog). Do you have a very international circle of friends there, by the way?

    I’d say to stay for at least another six months, if you can handle it, and make sure you really do have enough savings to start a new life (that will be more than you think). Try and find, if not a job, then at least a concrete project (volunteering, maybe) you can launch yourself into when you go back, so that when you get back you don’t just have a rush of euphoria at return followed by bouts of self-pity and doubting your decision (“Oh my God, what am I doing here, I’m doing nothing, at least in the UAE I was teaching…”). Because sure, you’ll have lots of people to see at first, but then you’ll need to fill your days with something.

  2. Just my 2cents worth, but when my pocketbook and my heart start fighting, I know how bad my heart aches and how no amount of spiffy nails or clothes or alcohol can make it better. Ireland? Home? Green? Lilting voices? Family? Sky? A pint in the pub? or Bully Boss. Social injustice. Strangers. Money. Drinking yourself to sleep. Disquiet in your SOUL. I’m just sayin. You are a great writer. I love your style. You’re smart, funny, authentic and irreverent. All good qualities in a writer. And of course there is my own personal inner desire to be more than just “part Irish” and to be able to pack up my and my dog and my cat and get on a boat and go there and lie under that sky in the middle of the night and watch the stars pass across the vast sky with the sheep bleating softly on the other side of the hill. No country for women or the beautiful isle? Which will fill your head with dreams and your pen with a richer ink????????? Good luck. You’re a baby. You’ve got a lot of years but they do go fast. I’m rooting for your first novel and will buy it instantly! This old grannie remembers her wild younger days when she reads your posts and says GO GIRL.

    • OracularSpectacular says:

      Thanks so much. I truly appreciate your insight and the compliments [unworthy as I feel of such high praise]

      I have decided to move back home as of December. I was coming home for Christmas and I just could not think of one thing to keep me here in the Middle East. I’m so glad you commented, it makes me feel better about my decision. You know, I presumed from a post and your previous comment that you were a man, and your comments as a woman make me feel empowered.

      Thank you.

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