Ladies and Gentlemen, just a few moments of your time. I’m making a last ditch attempt to go for the Presidency. Let the Councils reconvene, let the Oireachtas members gather to hear my vision.
Naturally, I’m going to have to enter the Eurovision. The role of President involves a lot of travelling and representing Ireland’s image on the international stage. Crooning with six semi-naked backing dancers in a made-up country in Eastern Europe is the obvious way to show Ireland I can handle that level of responsibility and win the trust of Eurocentrics. I’m pretty sure we’ll even get the Euro crisis solved while we’re there.
Much like Sean Gallagher, I have never been a developer. Nonetheless, like him, I’m more than willing to lecture young Irish people on how to handle their finances. Though I have no direct experience with NAMA, my personal finances are a bit of a mess and that’s just the same problem on a micro-level.
I am neither Gay nor gay, and my name is not Mary but I hope you will not hold this against me in my Presidential aspirations. Nor have I ever done time for possession of massive quantities of explosives, but I’m willing to develop a more republican side, if not a militantly-republican one. Perhaps I could smuggle water-guns up North for dubious purposes, or orchestrate a small to medium sized riot during the next marching season – I have a Blackberry.
Despite my utter lack of interest in GAA, I am also totally willing to come along to Croke Park on the odd Sunday to be introduced to 40 odd attractive men.
Let it be known, ladies and gentlemen, I am willing to make these kinds of sacrifices for you. I will cut ribbons like they have never been cut before!
Stop the brain drain people – bring one of your own home. Save me from life out here in the desert and I promise to bring everyone who votes for me over to the Aras for a savage houseparty!
Check out my website at www.harrythehat4prez2011.com
Harrington – “less annoying than Dana since 1988”
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