Sorry I’m a bit late getting to you this year, but I’ve been really good! Well, reasonably good. Well, it depends on what you mean by good, I mean maybe we don’t share the same moral code. Let’s just assume I have been good anyway and move on to my
You may have noticed, but Ireland’s not in great shape at the minute. And Santa, I hate to say it, but you haven’t been making things any easier! There are a number of steps you can take help us to once again become ‘the best little country in the world’.
- Relocate Santa’s workshop: Have you considered how impractical the North Pole is as a base of operations? A move to Ireland would solve both of our problems. Ireland has a low corporate tax rate, and I’m sure we could do even better for magical, mythical gift-giving men. You think what you need is elves alone but I gotta tell you Santa, that would be considered discriminatory practice here in Europe. Luckily we’ve got 400,000 people on the dole who would be happy to take up positions – as long as you pay at least minimum wage and time and a half on Sunday.
- Transport: Petrol is gone awfully expensive Santa – it has simply never been so costly to get from A to B. And it was 18 degrees here the other day – in the run-up to Christmas, talk about climate change!
I can’t help but notice that between your sleigh and reindeer, you seem to be able to travel all over the world in the space of one night on just a few carrots. So I’m respectfully requesting that you leave Rudolph and a couple of the female reindeer [dancer and vixen] in one of our top Kildare studs to breed. Emission-free transport for all!
- If you can’t manage either of the above, please try and provide us with some Christmas cheer. There’s a lot of doom and gloom around the place Santa. If you can’t solve our economic problems as I have layed out above then pretty please use your magic to spread a bit of festive cheer!