So Tinder has pretty much revolutionised the way we meet the opposite sex. We seem to have moved past the stage where it was purely considered a hook-up app to a legitimate way to meet someone. Still, I hear a lot of complaints; girls who get lots of matches but few conversations that go beyond a basic initial message, and men who get fewer matches and no replies from the girls they do match with.
Here are some of the reasons I haven’t matched with you, or replied to you.
- Your photos suck: My personal bugbears with Tinder photos include: more than one person in your first picture, blurry pictures, being drunk in all your pics, being topless for any reason, photos with someone who is clearly an ex… And so on. Seriously, it’s not that hard to get a nice, in-focus, appropriate photo – take a selfie or get someone else to do it.
- You don’t have a bio: About 90% of Irish lads leave it totally blank, leaving me with the impression that you don’t have much to say for yourself and you’re not very interesting. A couple of lines about yourself or what you’re looking for would be good, but if that seems like too much effort, a quote you like or even a joke will at least tell me something about the kind of person you are.
- You put no effort in: You sent me a message that just said ‘Hi’ or ‘Hey’ and nothing else. Girls tend to get quite a few messages along these lines, so if you want to grab attention be a bit more original. Comment on something in the girl’s bio or photos, pay her an old-fashioned compliment, or say something completely random (I dated a guy who’s first message to me said ‘Let’s go skydiving’) Basically, start a conversation!
- You came on too strong too soon: I’ve had first messages from guys that have said everything from ‘I love you’ to ‘Sex?’ and even once ‘DTF?’, which I actually had to Google. If you’re as clueless as me, it means ‘Down to f*ck?’ Please do not ask for sex before you’ve asked how my day was. I’m not looking for an engagement ring here guys, just a little Aretha-style R-E-S-P-E-C-T. If you wouldn’t walk straight up to a girl in a bar and ask her for sex before introducing yourself, don’t do it on Tinder.
- You suggested ‘Netflix and chill’ for a first date: When we know each other a little better, say the third or fourth date, this might work. For a first date, it’s lazy and presumptuous. If you are not interested enough in me to buy me a peppermint tea or a cranberry juice and spend half an hour getting to know me, honestly you’re not worth my time!
So, that’s all for now on different ways men fail at Tinder. Men, am I being fair? Women, what would you add to the list?