By Katie Harrington
Who would you like to punch in the throat, and why? Here’s a list of mine. It’s not definitive. In fact this might become a series, people seem to be endlessly creative when it comes to finding ways to piss me off!
1. The self-deluded saint: Her room is a pigsty but she claims to be a neat-freak. She claims she didn’t drink last night but you saw her do a tequila shot. Her favourite subject of conversation is weight-loss but she doesn’t exercise. She practically claims to be a virgin, but in a small town, the rumour mill says otherwise. She lies to herself and to others constantly and the worst part is she has managed to delude herself into thinking she is a queen of cleanliness, practically a pioneer and on the verge of losing 2 stone any day now.
The funny part is, nobody cares about her room, her alcohol consumption, her sex life or her diet. That’s her business. But when she forces bullshit down our throats, it becomes difficult not to spew it back at her. So just shut up with your shit talk, woman, you’re fooling no one but yourself!
The bully: Okay, I get it. You didn’t get enough hugs when you were little. You’re a deeply angry person and the closest feeling you can get to happiness is power. Power that you wield over a person who is not in a position to fight back. Well done, you! By which I mean, grow the fuck up.
If your life isn’t going in the direction you want it to, why don’t you focus on changing that instead of making someone else’s life a misery? And if you must make someone else feel like crap to get through your own pathetic day, pick on somebody your own size. I have just as little respect for those who stand by and watch someone being bullied without intervening. Remember “All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
The begrudger: “You know she only got that job because of her Dad?” Really? Maybe it’s because she interviewed better, or got better grades, or maybe your handshake is dead fish-like and that’s why she got it over you. “She is such a skank!” Sometimes this is true, but most of the time the exact English translation is “I could not pull a dress that short off and I feel threatened because she is more attractive than me” “I heard she’s gone totally anorexic, she only eats one green bean every four days” Really? I heard she’s been going to the gym every day and you make up vicious rumours when you’re jealous.
Stop with the hate people! Didn’t your mama tell you that if you can’t say anything nice then you’re clearly a stuck-up cow?