Note – May 2017: I wrote this post in November 2011, when I was 23. Looking back now, it seems hopelessly immature and nowhere near as funny or provocative as I presumably imagined! My views have evolved pretty dramatically since then, but I’m leaving the post below in its initial form because as you can tell it’s intended as tongue-in-cheek.
So I was browsing www.tenthingsivelearned.com a while back when I noticed a post called ’10 things I’ve learned from having a penis’
I decided to reply on behalf of the entire female race, and here is that reply:
Check it out! Josh on 10things…. has a lot of funny stuff going on over there!
- If you’re going to ask your middle-aged, male Indian cleaner to change your bedsheets, try to remember to remove your rampant rabbit from under the pillow first.
- Sometimes people who dislike asking for directions should be given them anyway. Don’t take offence boys – listen and learn!
- Giving birth is undoubtedly unbearably painful [or so I’ve heard], but if you’re lucky you won’t have to give birth as many times as a guy will get kicked in the balls over the course of a lifetime.
- You can never, ever be carrying too many tampons. Ever. Hide them in your pockets. Your handbags. Your tree house. The day will come when you will be thankful for diligently squirelling them away.
- Ass hair has a purpose, and when you shave it the regrowth is seriously uncomfortable. Just don’t do it.
- You will never get laid on the one day per month your underwear is sexy and matches.
- You will always get laid on the day you haven’t shaved your legs in a fortnight.
- Women’s ‘needs’ are just as strong as men’s, we’re just better at hiding it.
- Vagina is the funniest word in the English language, especially if you’re the kind of person who derives humor from other people’s discomfort.
- You should treat your vagina like an exclusive club: unless you’re a VIP you better be willing to put a lot of effort in to get in.